What Can Taysom Hill Not Do?

Nick Flippers – 10/12/2020 – 11:11 PM

Watching Monday Night Football this evening (Jesus, these games go late—I got Calculus class in the morning) I noticed something; something about the New Orleans Saints; something about one of their players; something about a motherfucker named Taysom Hill! 

What can this man not do?

I see the bitch blocking for their punter; I see the bitch tackling kick returners. He’s playing wideout—he’s throwing the ball—he’s fucking rushing the ball? AND SCORING TD’S!? I move to petition Tyrann Mathieu’s nickname of “The Honey Badger” to Taysom Hill, because Taysom Hill—He don’t give a fuck!

I mean, the audacity of Sean Peyton to take out Drew Brees, arguably one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time, and put in that lunatic to run the wackiest play action QB sneak of all time. And it works!? This man must be from some other planet because I have never seen a more versatile human being ever set foot on the grid iron. I can hardly walk and talk at the same time, meanwhile, Taysom “One Tree” Hill is playing multiple positions on a NFL team. 

(Sometimes in the same set—I mean, what the fuck is that shit?) 

I wouldn’t be shocked to see Sean Peyton run his old ass onto the field like the end of Longest Yard and leave Taysom “King of the” Hill with the headset. If he can play every position, why can’t he be the coach for a few plays? It’s honestly disgusting to watch a man who looks neither athletic or coordinated just take a shit on a defense. It gives me hope as an unathletic looking man to watch him—honestly!

Here, I’m going to give Taysom Hill the nickname they will be calling him for the rest of his career:

The “Wonder Kid”

(Because the kid makes you wonder…what the fuck are they putting in his breakfast cereal!?)