The Battle of the Birds

Nick Flippers – 11/30/2020 – 11:45pm

First things first Carson Wentz is complete shit. I hate to say it because I like the guy. I mean, he seems like he wants to follow in Spike Lee’s footsteps and do the right thing. Only problem is, the one thing he isn’t very good at is playing quarterback. It’s just a fact. The sad thing is, the Eagles aren’t even really out of it. They’ll be two games back in a division that is so bad, it makes my middle school backyard football league look like the fucking Super Bowl.

And let me just say to the guys that scream, “You gotta’ put Jalen Hurts in!” Um, no you don’t. I don’t think there’d be much improvement. Look, Carson Wentz was an MVP quarterback once—he has it in him. He just is playing like shit for whatever reason, but putting in the guy who runs on 3rd and 15 for a yard and a half, is not the answer.

This being said (i.e., that Carson is playing like a hot piece of trash and not the Margo Robbie kind of hot) I thought this would be much bigger of a blowout. I mean, it’s Russ and Pete Carrol is letting Russ cook! So why the fuck did they not drop a fifty burger? I feel like I’ve been cheated. This game was supposed to be a goddamn slaughter, and yet it was actually within the Eagles reach.

Which is weird because the Eagles are complete donkey shit.

Anyways, another thing that pissed me off about the game is the fact that Tyler Lockett and DK Metcalf just seem to switch off having good games. One day Lockett drops a banger the next day he’s just raw-dogging my fantasy football team and putting a fat 3.0 points. Like, dude…get involved—you’re on the fucking Seahawks. 

Moral of this story is: Draft Metcalf over Lockett. And if you’re an Eagles fan...I’m sorry, but hell will probably be like a vacation for you.