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Thank You Redzone

Nick Flippers – 12/6/2020 – 6:20pm 

Every gambler on planet earth prays for that time of the week. It’s Sunday morning, you wake up hungover and regretting last night’s decisions, and you turn on your TV to watch the countdown. The countdown to the greatest invention since sliced fucking bread.

Scott Hanson and his Redzone.

This week was the 200th episode of Redzone which dates back to 2006 (if I’m correct—I’m not looking this shit up) and it couldn’t have been a more incredible week. Whether you lost a lot money or you’re up big, this week was a crazy one with an insane witching hour. Losses became wins; wins became loses; my money became gone from my wallet. Honestly, either way you look at, this week was just fucking wild—and it isn’t even over. 

I even questioned the authenticity of the National Football League after this 1:00 slate. I’m not a conspiracy theorist per say, but let me put on my enormous, tin foil hat for a second...

This week was Redzone’s 200th episode, and look, I’ve watched a lot of Redzone in my life; some weeks it’s incredible, with endings that make you cry (usually because a bad beat) and sometimes, maybe because the matchups are trash, Redzone is just not so entertaining. Sure, it’s still better then what our parents did, i.e., watch just one game at a time like a barbarian. But this week was just too exciting in my opinion, to not at least question if the NFL is rigged. Call me crazy, but that missed pass interference call in the Saints v. Rams game got me thinking. And this shit just snowballed I guess.

But I’m getting sidetracked...

The reason for this blog is to show appreciation and give thanks (I know Thanksgiving was last week or whatever) to how amazing Redzone is. I love every second of it. I love waiting to see if this week will be the week that Scott Hanson gives in to his bladder and just shouts, “I’m done with this shit! I need to take a piss!” Apparently, there has only been one bathroom break in 200 episodes and I frankly think that is the most impressive part of it.

How does this man not have a bladder? Does it work? Does he just piss himself under that desk/table thing?

I wouldn’t be disgusted to find out that Scott Hanson wears a diaper—that man is a hero. I don’t know about national hero, we save those titles for the troops, but this man Scott Hanson is a fucking national treasure.

(raise your glass) 

To 200 more! Thank you Redzone. And thank you! Scott fucking Hanson!