FMR (Week 4 Edition)
We all remember the simpler times back in 2008 when you’d spill your fountain soda at McDonalds and yell, “Oh—FML!” Well now, thanks to the invention of Fantasy Football (if you’re using any app other than ESPN or Yahoo—you’re a tool) we have a brand new term: FMR.
Fuck My Roster!
This week in the National Football League there were many heartbreaking moments where players who were projected to put up all kinds of Fantasy Points…well…didn’t.
Whether this was because of injuries or just plain, downright suckage (why the fuck did Calvin Ridley only get 5 targets!?) here are 6 players who made a lot of Fantasy Coaches scream, “Fuck My Roster!”
- Austin Ekeler (1.9 pts)
Fantasy Coaches were excited to watch Ekeler rack up points against the Buccaneers defense, who give up an average of 5.1 yards per carry, but instead of seeing their star running back do dirty work, they watched him get carted off the field after 2 rushing attempts, for a total of 12 yards. Ouch.
To add insult to injury, Ekeler is expected to miss 4-6 weeks with his hamstring injury. That’s 4-6 weeks without your star running back doing damage in the backfield. Ouch again.
- Tyler Lockett (4.9 pts)
After a stunning game against Dallas, finishing with 9 receptions (if your not in PPR what is you doing, son?) for 100 yards and 3 touchdowns. 3 TOUCHDOWNS! So when Fantasy Coaches across the country saw his matchup week 4 against the Miami Dolphins, many of them probably pulled a Lonely Island and J’d in their P’s. Russ cooking against the Miami Defense was expected to be the Last Supper for Fitzmagic, but…it didn’t turn out that way.
Locket finished with just 2 receptions for a disappointing 39 yards. Touchdowns? Nope. Nada. You coaches out there who started Tyler Lockett? Oof.
- Julio Jones (5.2 pts)
This will not be the only entry for the Atlanta Falcons. Unfortunately the Dirty Birds like screwing over everyone who so much as involves themselves with the organization (I parlayed Atlanta money-line and the over so I feel the pain). To the distress of many Fantasy Coaches, Julio Jones, who has already failed to meet fantasy expectations, received for just 32 yards on 4 receptions. Now, this FMR is not fully on Julio’s performance; this one was because of an injury.
2020 will you not rest until everything I love has been destroyed!?
Jones left the game due to a hamstring injury and did not return. He is expected to miss more games, so saddle up your Fantasy Team, because it’s gonna’ be a bumpy ride.
- Nick Chubb (4.3 pts)
This one gets chalked up to injuries as well; Chubb had 6 attempts for 43 yards before suffering a MCL injury which could cost him up to six weeks. This hurt fantasy coaches for more then one reason. Not only did Chubb fail to perform. Not only did Chubb get injured! But…Kareem Hunt had a game. And that sucks even more for the coaches who didn’t draft Hunt as a handcuff, because the former star-running will go from Number 2 to Number 1 in the backfield. Odell won’t like that—he loves that Number 2.
- Dallas D/ST (-9.0 pts)
Most of us start a defense because not starting a defense would be too risky. On average, your D/ST will get you 6-8 points. On a good day they’ll get a pick six or kick return TD, but most of the time, we start a defense because it looks bad if we don’t.
For those of you who started the Dallas Defense because you thought Baker was gonna’ shit the bed—much to Odell’s disappointment—he did not. He went off. And he shit all over the Dallas Cowboys secondary—much to Odell’s liking. When your defense gets a few points, you act like you’re from Brooklyn and you fuggedaboutit! It’s just your D/ST.
But when they get negative points? Oh lord, that stings like a bitch. RIP the coaches who thought the 20’ browns were still the 19’ Browns. They ain’t.
- Calvin Ridley (0.0 pts)
You all new this was coming; talk about shitting the bed (*Insert OBJ poop joke here*) Calvin Ridley stabbed a lot of his Fantasy Coaches and Owners in the back and decided not to show up to the game against Green Bay. At all. I saved this one for last because it really is the FMR of the week. 0 points is like taking a dime back to your apartment and finding out you’re actually stuck in a simulation and everything you though to be true is just not.
Now, this catastrophe may have been to the fault of Atlanta Coach, Dan Quinn, who seemingly didn’t want to involve one of his star receivers. Even after Julio went out? What, are you stupid!?
Ridley, who has been putting up significant numbers, was only targeted 5 times the entire game and recorded no yards whatsoever. Not even a WR sweep for the boys!? No, the dirty birds found a way to take one of the most explosive receivers in the league and turn him into a garden gnome. He was there on the field, but he wasn’t even paid any notice. Maybe he was wearing Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak, because Matt Ryan seemed to not be able to see him.
For all of you who started any of these players: FMR!